When we Google that question we'll find a lot of different answers. There are a few I wish to highlight because I find them important in the journey of understanding the concept. The first is the origin of the term. Narcissism orginated from the Greek mythology. Narcissus was a young handsome man who rejected the desperate advances of the nymph Echo. This caused him to fall in love with his own reflection in the water. Unable to consummate his love, Narcisuss lay gazing enraptured into the water, day after day, hour after hour untill he finally changed into a flower that bears his name. The concept of excessive selfishness was born and has been recognised throughout history. In ancient time the concept was known as hubris.
It is only in the late 1800s that narcissism has been defined in psychological terms.
In 1898 Havelock Ellis, an English psychologist used the term "Narcissus-like" in reference to excessive masturbation, whereby the person becomes his or her own sex object. A year later Paul Näcke used the term narcissism in a study of sexual perversions. Only in 1911 Otto Rank wrote a psychoanalytical paper linking narcissism to vanity and self-admiration. Also the famous Sigmund Freud wrote about this concept in 1914 titled "On narcissism: an introduction". His vision on the matter was used later on. And in 1923 Martin Buber published his essay "Ich und Du" (I and thou) wherein he points out that narcissism often leads us to relate to others as objects instead of equals.
In the following years, a lot of research has been done and since 1968 the American Psychiatric Association (APA) has listed the classification Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders or the bible for psychologists) drawing on the historical concept of megalomania. In 1980, NPD was officially recognised in the 3d edition of the DSM.
Nowadays we hear so much about narcissism. But what is narcissism really and how can we recognise it? I wish to underscore that there is a difference between NPD and a person who shows narcisstic traits. It doesn't mean that when a person shows one or two traits occasionally that they're automatically a narcissist. When you're not sure consult a specialist that can take a test.
Narcissism is the pursuit of gratification from vanity or egotistic admiration of one's idealised self-image.
In this blogpost I want to share five important traits how to unmask a narcissist. Of course there are plenty more examples. Feel free to share any experiences in the comments below.
Constant need for admiration: A narcissist possess a swagger and a certain oosing conceit. They breath arrogance with every step they take. Although they seem to be very confident, the truth is they are not. They have the delusion that they're entitled to constant admiration. Which will drain people around them. Narcisstic people experience no greater rush than been put on a pedestal and been worhsipped. You could say that they live for that...
Exploit others: Narcissists don't have any empathy and aren't able to see the world from the perspective of others. As result they are able to exploit others without guilt, shame or any remorse for the consequences. They will manipulate to fulfill their own needs, cost what cost.
Belittling: Off course the narcissist is the best and the brightest in every room. There is no doubt in that!! They'll make sure to place others below them by reacting dismissive or attacking personally when others seemingly have more talents than they. This is a form to assert superiorty. Example: you can try and try but you'll never be good enough for me or anyone else for that matter.
No criticism: When you give any form of criticism they'll tend to lash out, probably in a more hostile way than you expected. They're convinced that they're superior and believe that they're infallible. How could someone critize them right?
Lie, cheat, manipulate and gaslight: Narcissists have a lot of tools in their toolbox to accomplish whatever whenever they want. Betraying, hurting and leaving others in grief gives them a rush of power. They'll literally use evertyhing to have full control. Read more about gaslighting in my previous blog post.
Have you ever met a narcissist? If so, what's your experience? Feel free to share in the comments below. Hopefully this blog post gave you some insights in recognising common traits of a narcissist. When you recognise them make sure to choose yourself and not be persuaded by his or her charms.
Remember that the red flags we ignore in the beginning will cost us later.
When you read this and think; "this is my life", it might be time to seek for professional advice. Noone in the whole world should give you the feeling that you're not enough. Take the step to talk about it and seek help in order to gain self-love. You can always contact me for a FREE introduction call or book a session by sending me a DM or mail to get started with my five step program. Remember that you're not alone!
As always, lots of love,
Selina
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