What is codependency?

First things first... where did the term codependency came from?

The term exists since the 50’s and was invented by members of the Anonymous Alcoholics to describe the caring spouses of the alcoholic. Before that they were called co-alcoholics because they suffered in the same way, or sometimes even more, without having the same addiction.

Codependency is a demolishing affection wherein the codependent loves the other more than themselves. Maintaining a one-sided relationship that is emotionally destructive and (or) abusive, but wherein a codependent person will take full responsibility of the happiness of the other. Own interests, needs and boundaries are easily put aside just to satisfy the other. After a while the personality fades to the background and will have no value more than serving the other. It becomes the number one priority, often the significant other is made more important than work, children, social life, self love, etc... The made sacrifices can be huge what eventually will lead to disconnection of the individual and complete isolation of social life.

The condition isn’t described in the DSM-V yet ( = Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), although a lot of people appoint to codependency as a disorder. If you look more closely to the pattern you'll definitely see the similarities with any other addiction. I think it is save to say that when you're codependent you're actually addicted to love. The fuel that keeps this pattern running is the deep need to be seen and heard. Out of despair you will put yourself aside and settle for the crumbs of love, trying to fill the void in yourself!

This was a short introduction of the subject I coach in. If you would like to know more or if you recognize yourself in the text, feel free to contact me. Unfortunately a lot of people suffer from codependency in a silent way. As a coach I want to make it more negotiable and help you in finding your inner strength to tackle this stubborn pattern. Stay tuned for more articles!

Source quote in the picture from Leanne Oaten

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