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15 jan.6 minuten om te lezen

Unveiling stalking: navigating the shadows of familiarity 🕵️‍♂️



As we delve into the complexities of stalking this January, during Stalking Awareness Month, let's not only understand the nuances of recognition, handling, and healing but also shine a light on how the romanticization of pursuit behaviors in media impacts our society.

What is stalking?

Stalking is a pattern of persistent, unwanted attention, communication, or behaviors directed at an individual, causing them fear or distress. It often involves intrusive surveillance, with the stalker closely monitoring the victim's activities. Stalkers may ignore personal boundaries, engage in manipulative tactics like gaslighting, and seek to exert control over various aspects of the victim's life. Stalking can occur both online and offline, and it frequently escalates over time, posing serious threats to the victim's safety and well-being. Recognizing and addressing stalking promptly is crucial to ensuring the victim's security and seeking legal intervention when necessary. Understanding stalking involves recognizing the various forms it can take and acknowledging the emotional toll it imposes on victims. Stalking is not always easily identifiable, as it often starts with seemingly innocuous behaviors that gradually escalate.

How to recognise stalking. Stalking can manifest in different ways, making it crucial to discern the signs. Picture receiving an excessive number of unsolicited messages, calls, or emails that leave you feeling overwhelmed and intruded upon. Perhaps someone consistently appears in places you frequent, making you question if it's mere coincidence or a deliberate act. These subtle but persistent behaviors mark the early stages of stalking. 1. Stalking escalation:

Stalking typically commences with seemingly innocuous behaviors that gradually intensify over time. The initial actions may be subtle, making challenging for the victim to immediately recognise the gravity of the situation.

2. Intrusive surveillance:

Stalkers often engage in intrusive surveillance, meticulously observing the victim's daily routines, whereabouts, and interactions. This can extend to physical spaces or online platforms, where the stalker monitors social media activity, location check-ins, and other personal details without the victim's knowledge or consent.

3. Unwanted contact:

Persistent and unwanted communication is a hallmark of stalking. This can manifest as an incessant barrage of messages, calls, or emails, despite the victim expressing clear disinterest or explicitly asking for no contact. The volume and frequency of communication become overwhelming and distressing.

4. Gaslighting tactics:

Gaslighting involves manipulative techniques aimed at making the victim question their own sanity or perceptions. Stalkers may downplay their actions, deny any wrongdoing, or even suggest that the victim is imagining the severity of the situation. This psychological manipulation can create self-doubt and isolation for the victim.

5. Control strategies:

Stalkers often employ various tactics to exert control over the victim's life. This can range from attempting to dictate their decisions, isolating them from friends and family, or even interfering in their relationships. By imposing control, the stalker seeks dominance and power, intensifying the fear and vulnerability experienced by the victim.

By shedding light on these dynamics, we empower individuals to recognize and address stalking, fostering a safer and more supportive community.

More about the stalking perpetrators.

Stalking perpetrators can be diverse, but a significant portion of them is known to the victim, often intimately. Research indicates that approximately 61% of female victims and 44% of male victims are stalked by a current or former intimate partner. Stalking within the context of a previous relationship may be driven by various factors, including a desire for control, revenge, or an inability to accept the end of the relationship. In some cases, it may also stem from unresolved emotional issues or a distorted sense of entitlement.

Familiarity provides stalkers with an advantage, as they may have intricate knowledge of the victim's routines, social circles, and vulnerabilities. This proximity allows for more insidious forms of surveillance and control, contributing to the escalation of stalking behaviors. Stalkers may also include acquaintances, colleagues, or even family members, emphasizing the complex dynamics involved.

Motivations for stalking can be multifaceted, often rooted in the stalker's need for power and dominance. Stalking is rarely an isolated incident but rather a pattern of behavior that fulfills a psychological or emotional need for the perpetrator. Going from obessesion to danger. Stalking escalations can manifest in increasingly concerning ways, moving beyond intrusive behaviors to more overt and dangerous actions. For example, constant surveillance might escalate into physical presence, where the stalker appears uninvited at the victim's home, workplace, or social events. Unwanted communication can intensify to threatening messages, indicating a shift towards more explicit harm. Stalkers may exploit personal information gathered during surveillance, using it to manipulate or harass the victim.

Stalking often serves as a precursor to more severe crimes. Research indicates that stalking is associated with a heightened risk of violence, assault, rape, and even murder.


In Europe, statistics reveal alarming trends, with approximately 25-50% of stalking cases escalating to violence, and around 10-15% leading to physical assault or sexual violence. The correlation between stalking and femicide, where the victim is killed, is evident in a significant percentage of cases.

Is the media influencing our look on stalking?


Media and societal influences play a significant role in shaping our perceptions of stalking, often contributing to the normalization of concerning behaviors. Romanticized portrayals of persistent pursuit in movies and series can skew our understanding of boundaries, blurring the lines between affection and obsession. This romanticization fosters the dangerous notion that relentless pursuit is an acceptable expression of love.


Statistics in Europe highlight that around 35% of people believe that stalking is not harmful if the perpetrator truly loves the victim, emphasizing the impact of media-driven misconceptions.

Moreover, media tends to sensationalize stalking in ways that downplay its severity, creating a distorted narrative that can lead to victim-blaming. News stories or fictional accounts may focus on the perceived motivations of the stalker rather than the distress and fear experienced by the victim. Such narratives contribute to the perpetuation of myths, like the idea that stalking only happens between strangers, when in reality, the majority of cases involve individuals familiar to the victim.

Social media platforms can inadvertently contribute to the glamorization of stalking behaviors. Posting about someone without their consent, constant monitoring of their online activity, or creating fake profiles are behaviors that may be perceived as romantic in media but are, in fact, invasive and harmful. These actions can be further fueled by the false notion that excessive attention is a demonstration of genuine affection.

In the age of reality television and online influencers, where personal lives are often exposed for public consumption, the boundaries between romantic gestures and stalking behaviors can become blurred. The focus on grand romantic gestures, even when one party may not be receptive, can inadvertently contribute to the normalization of persistent pursuit.

Dispelling these myths and raising awareness about the real and potentially dangerous implications of stalking is crucial.

How to take control. Embarking on a journey to reclaim control is a profound and empowering step, especially when navigating the unsettling realm of stalking. Here are a few tips that can help you take back control.

1. Document everything: Keep a detailed record of all stalking incidents, including dates, times, locations, and descriptions. This documentation can serve as crucial evidence if legal action becomes necessary.

2. Seek support: Reach out to friends, family, or colleagues about the situation. Informing those close to you not only provides emotional support but also creates a network aware of the circumstances, enhancing your safety.

3. Contact authorities:

In Belgium, if you feel threatened or unsafe due to stalking, contact the police immediately. The emergency number is 101. Report the incidents and provide them with the documented evidence you have gathered.

4. Explore legal options: Consult with a legal professional to explore possible legal measures against the stalker. In Belgium, organizations like "slachtofferhulp" (Victim Support) or local police stations can guide you through the legal process and provide assistance.

5. Prioritize personal safety:

Take practical steps to enhance your safety. Change locks if necessary, vary your daily routines, and consider self-defense courses for added confidence. Implementing these measures can contribute to creating a secure environment for yourself.


Remember, reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Organizations like slachtofferhulp or local women's shelters in Belgium can provide additional support, counseling, and resources for victims of stalking.

🌈 Quote for Reflection:
You are not defined by the shadows that follow you; you are defined by the light you cast upon them." - unknown

As a Narcissism Coach, I offer professional guidance for those seeking healing and empowerment.


By challenging these misconceptions and fostering a culture of understanding, we can contribute to building a society that rejects the shadows of stalking and embraces the light of empathy, awareness, and safety.

Wishing you strength and resilience,

Selina 🌸✨ PS: Feel free to share your experiences or ideas on this post in the comments. You never know who you might inspire or encourage with your story.


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